The Struggle is Real...

So my dietitian told me to be on the liquid diet for two weeks but my doctor said 10 days.  So I used the first 3 days as the experimental days.  I did great during the day when I was at work, but being at home was a challenge.  The first night, my husband brought me a steak dinner as my "last meal."  I'm not going to lie, it was delicious.  

The second day, I went all day and night on nothing but the shakes.  I was pleased as punch...the third day though...was TOUGH.  It was a Saturday, so I was at home all day with my little girl.  I had to fix her food, and my willpower sucked.  Throughout the day, I ended up eating a handful of wheat thins, an apple with peanut butter, about half a cup of macaroni and cheese (what I had fixed my daughter), and then since I had done so badly, I topped it off with Chick-Fil-A for dinner that night.  Are you kidding me?  This destructive behavior is what got me here in the first place.  I will go more into this later.

Today was the first of the ten days; the ten days that I absolutely cannot cheat, or else they may not be able to do my surgery.  That seems to be the motivation I was needing.  I've gone all day at home and only drank the shakes and water; no food.  I had five shakes and lots and lots of water.  Thank goodness these shakes are tasty. 

They say this is to make sure my liver is small enough so the doctor can see around it for the surgery, but I've decided this is the "mind over matter" stage for me.  My biggest fear and why I haven't had the surgery sooner is because I was afraid I would have the surgery and then gain all the weight back again proving the nay-sayers right.  I have had MANY nay-sayers, people who don't believe in me.  People who say I'm not worth the investment.  The sad part is that I have come to believe them.  When you hear people put you down your whole life, sometimes, against your will, you start believing it.  Their voice becomes the one inside your head when times get tough.  Well, now is the time to break free from that destructive thinking.  

With the help of God and people who do believe in me, I will stop self-destructing.  I will stop believing the lie.  I will realize that I am worth it.  I deserve happiness.  I deserve to live a long, happy and HEALTHY life.  When I accomplish these ten days without cheating once, I will be proving the haters wrong.  I will be proving that I can do what I set my mind to and I can succeed when it really matters.